The books that have really big impact on me, I haven't been writing about. The emotions are so strong, they are hard to convey properly in words.
Maybe about a month ago, I read Michael Lewis' Moneyball: The Art of Winning An Unfair Game. By mistake, I ordered the book in big print for people with sight problem. Reading a book in such big print felt embarrassing, so it took me maybe half a year or more before begin reading it. But once I got started, it had me.
What struck me is, talent, so much talent, can make a person miserable. You think you ought to make something of yourself because you are so good at something. But somehow, maybe from not meeting with the right coach at the right time, or not trying hard enough at some point, or getting an injury, or whatever, you don't make the most of your talent. Not too many of us have obvious dazzling talent like Billy Beane, but a lot of us were really good at something, but somehow we didn't pursue, and it feels like we wasted our lives, our talents. If only I tried harder, is the thought that haunts us. I'm one of those people who was voted "most talented" in teenage years, because my drawings won ribbons at competitions, my singing got me into all state chorus for the state of Florida, good hand-eye coordination helped me get into girl's varsity team of volleyball and tennis. So did any of these "talents" help me earn a living? No. Maybe because I wasn't disciplined enough to try hard at anything, because when I hit a wall after steady climb, I didn't persue any further. Maybe that habit hauted me for the rest of my life. Things came easy to me, up to some point. Then when I hit the wall, I would just give up, pursue something else. Funny only thing I didn't give up was something I wasn't good at to begin with, business. Probably because I didn't have other choice at that point in life. I certainly don't want to live an artist's life. I can't do sports like I used to.
The Moneyball talks about the personality matching the game of baseball. Billy Beane was more like a football kind of guy. The book makes tragedy out of Billy Beane's earlier life. How his momentary temptation to money and glory ruined his life. How he turned his back on the scholarship at the Stanford University playing both baseball and football for the wad of dollars and glamour of professional baseball players. He ended up with no college education, no degree, no real lasting glamour and money.
I really LOVE the story, but I don't feel sorry for Billy Beane. So far, he's had a great life. He was in constant struggle, but so what? He did FEEL the entire time. He lived fully. Pain and sorrow are no fun. But I'm of a school of thought, anything that doesn't kill you is good for you. Especially when all these things happen the first half of a person's life. After such first half, anything in the second half feels so easy, so nice.
Billy Beane's life still goes on, pursuing the dream of winning the World Series. Whatever happens, he paid his due. His story gives me hope. We become old, and we can't do the kind of physical things we used to be able to do. But we make peace with our own personality, and do the things that come natural to us, and we could win. Winning, as in being satisfied with one's life.