I was in a funk, and I didn't know it.
In the past week, we did several interviews for a research, and these people were Japanese, old couples, middle aged couples, young ladies and men. It made me realize how untaught, untrained and undisciplined I am. These people were balanced, strong sense of tie to their families. Their values were so, very different from the ones that I learned and know. I felt like I did not belong.
I felt so close to the name "Little Road Flower". Lonely, no protection or security, at mercy of the nature's elements. But it knows survival. It knows to bloom when the time comes. As the week progressed, sad feeling would not go away.
Today is my oldest son's birthday. He would have been 21 years old if he was alive. I was praying for him as I walked home tonight. I was thinking of what happened 21 years ago today. The sudden change in my world. The world hadn't changed. It was my situation that altered the world view completely. The pain..... Losing a child. Gaining huge scar on my body that would be there for the rest of my life..... Then a thought came into my head. It is the gift from my son. How could I waste his gift?
Maybe I am not so refined, or cultured, or disciplined. Because my path happened to be a warrior's path. My path has been giving me different kind of refinement, culture and discipline. I have been given lessons in learning about strength and power in one's self. It is gift from the above, and I was reminded of it on my son's birthday.