Fujiko Suda / Reflection

Following The Passion

Recently, I've learned of worldly success of two people I have known. Fortune, fame and glory. I think they well earned their position, because they wanted such success, and they worked hard to achieve those successes. Neither one of these people are types that make timely classics stories, but the thing is, even I, who is not their close acquintance, could tell they had passion for such success, and I believe that is the deciding factor in someone achieving their goal, their dream.

And here I am, officially not even a part of any mighty business organization within 2 days. I was thinking, money should be more important to me. My family might be more proud of me if I was in prestegious position within a well known entity. But learning of their success got me over the fear that I was being foolish by not grasping such oppertunity when it passed by me. I would never succeeded in real sense, because I would not be doing what my heart desired. By listening to my heart even though I couldn't understand in any words, just trusting how my heart made me feel, letting go competely without the safety net of my life which was commercial enterprise work centered, I am feeling so right. I am begging to be able to think in words rather than feelings what I want to do, where my passion lies.

The family. That is given. But besides that, it will be NPO of sorts. As words begins to organize themselves within me, so here, I can express them freely. Joy!

Same Book, New Reaction

This must have been over 20 times I am reading bits and pieces of The Alchemist. This is what I have been doing for the past 5 years or so. If the book I read had impact on me, I would pick it up every once in a while (when I feel like reading passages of that certain book), and read parts of them.

I have decided to read The Alchemist from cover to cover once again, and I was reading the prologue. It was about a different version of well known Greek methology about Narcissus.

He said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears. "Why do you weep?" the goddessess asked. "I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied. "Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand." "But...was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked. "Who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!" The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said: "I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depth of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

Until this time around, I was unconfortable with my understanding of what this was about. Is this to say that we are all narcissist? This time around, I understand in different way. This is not to say that this is the right way to understand. It is what I got out of it.

We love those people who reflect our own beauty. I think it is particularly so with what we feel inside.

How far can we step back?

I thought of this many times before. And I thought of this four days ago, under a beautiful spring sky. And again yesterday in the rain, and again this morning, looking at the next door neighbour's wall out of my apartment window.

The subject is, how far can we step back to view our own lives and everything in the universe? Like the Powers of 10 . I was thinking of Tanaquil Le Clerc. I have only seen her dance in black and white footage, but her dance is so incredible. The grace and nuances of each move seems to be expressed with all the fibers of her body, and it comes through even in an old film. I heard she died an untimely death after a bout with terminal illness, and through George Balanchine's biography, I learned she was his fifth wife. So very beautiful, so very talented, marrying to a celebrated ballet choriographer. She must practiced, worked on her art for most of her waking hours.

Was she happy? She must have been on moments she was practicing. But the jealousy her talent must have attracted. And to have to deal with situations when her husband was constantly being wooed by young and beautiful dancers. She must have been surrounded by admirers and fellow dancers. But who would have been her dear friend? When did she laugh, deep from her soul?

Stepping back from her existance, by second, minute, hour, day, years. Years and years. Viewed from the year 2004, she is only a faint memory, even to ballet enthusiasts. I look up Tanaquil Le Clerc through Google, and I only get 3 pages. I look up Grace O'Malley, and I get pages and pages. But one thousand years from now, and who will remember either one of them? A million years later, then what? If it is so with famous people, what would it be with me?

We fall in love, and we say it's forever. What is forever to humans? We feel glorous moments just a few times in our lives. We feel misery many, many times. Stepping back, what remains? I thought momentarily, nothing matters. All is in vain. We are just ashes, dust in the universe. But we do exist here and now, and gravity exists. And dust in the universe eventually becomes stars and planets. It doesn't matter how far we step back. It is this moment that I truly live. I will do what matters to me this moment. Which is write these thoughts in hope to help someone who might benefit from reading it, to spend time with my family, and friends, laugh, work with the people around me.

Building trust in workplace

At my farewell party last night, I sat next to the marketing manager. He is Scottish with a great sense of humour, and he has a gorgeous smile, but well known for his capacity to talk shop passionately non-stop for hours on end. My last night with the company, and here I am. If it is my fate, so be it.

But I didn't want to spend the night in misery, so I decided to pay attention and take interest in his talk, making comments and asking questions. Sure enough, talk started out with the subject of work, but through twists and turns, we were deep into discussion about Japan and its history of religion onto cause and effect of religion. I was quite surprised by his knowledge of religous history in Japan, his passion for learning and his strong desire in living true to his beliefs. He recommended Hirohito and the Making of Modern Day Japan and A Problem from Hell for me to read.

After the dinner, three peole whom I worked closely and I went to have coffee at a comfortable cafe nearby. They said sympathetically, boy, he was at it again, talking shop, wasn't he? They looked surprised when I told them that we had a good discussion about culture and religion.

We work with people who are directly related to what we are doing. Although everything each member of a company does is related one way or other to everybody else, we are so busy trying to effectively perform our job. It is off hours, the time like last night that we end up sitting next to someone we are not entirely comfortable with for the dinner that we learn something new, something important about other people within the company. In a society like Japan where people working for a large organization live far away from where they work, and the content of work is so foreign to their family, it becomes a problem of allocating time for either colleagues or family. But as I experienced last night, buidling trust in workplace occurs at non-business hours, be it working overtime or having dinner together.

Reflection

Yesterday was the last day for me to work as an employee of Steelcase. I've been thinking I am socially handicapped because I did not experience a real family life until I was well into my thirties. Well, well. In hindsight, for the past 5 years, I was living as a part of Steelcase Japan family. Not only that, but each time I worked for a company in the past, I was part of a family.

I bought blank greeting cards to write thank you notes to each of 18 members of Steelcase Japan. Once I started to write, I realized I could write pages to each one of them, about the things they taught me, things I loved about them, good and bad times we had together. For five-years, I spent more of my waking hours with them than with my kids and husband.

You don't know what you got 'till it's gone.

The old cliche came to me with feeling of joy and surprise tinged with sadness. I have left Steelcase Japan team because of timing factor. I am not yet in financial pinch as I might be in a few years as our mothers will begin to need care and kids will want higher education. If I am going to do anything crazy, this seems like the right time. So I am now working independently, working like a midwife to people giving birth to their creation. Midwives work on project bases, don't they?

Remembering I am what I am today because of immensely happy years working, learning with the members of Steelcase Japan family, I step out into a new world. But for now, I savour the frosted sugar cookies the company president's wife baked for me as going away gift. Sweeness with colorful tiny crunches. I look at the beautiful yellow and orange tulip bouquet arranged in classy style produced by the Steelcase Japan designer. The beauty she so easily creates.

Web Social Networking Business Potential

KNN Web Social Networking Business Potential Seminar was held at Steelcase Tokyo Worklife Showroom on March 17th.
Since I was a staff helping to run the seminar, I did a lot of running around and did not focus my attention on the seminar. But parts of it I watched I enjoyed.

Frankly, I am finding that I am focused more and more on serendepitous meeting with people. Although I am a member of Orkut, LinkdIn and gree, I don't expect to develop any meaningful relationship with people I meet solely on the web.

I've had good number of very satisfying, very stimulating meetings on long airplane flights. I may not have developed long term relationship with these people, but they are truly memorable encounters in my life.

Of course this means I am getting old. I am at a point that I can no longer change the way I process my thoughts. It is no longer fun. So I decided to try out living in the old way as much as I could. It feels liberating, just to live in the way that feels good to me, right to me. I respect men and women of younger generation and have high hope for them. They do crazy things, but no crazier than things I did in teenage years or twenties.

This has been a round about way of saying that yes, I do think web social networking has good business potential in Japan.

Bright eyes

I visited my aquintance at his office yesterday. He works for a very well known company. I have met him about 2 and a half years ago, and at that time, he belonged to a fast paced, aggressive small group within their company. And when I met him, he has been battling with serious illness, and as side affect from that, he was severely depressed. Even then, he knew how to keep in touch with people around him, and occasionaly he e-mailed me with news about himself or with business.

It has been over 6 months since he has made complete comback to his workplace. He now belongs to a different group within his company, but he seems to be doing very well.

We talked about when we are going through illness. We think, why me? A lot of men I know seem to go through trials that transform their lives in their early 30's. I read about it too. He has survived the trial, and seems to have grown, to become stronger. One thing that really caught my attention when I met with him yesterday is how bright his eyes looked. Something about the light in his eyes. His eyes seem to reflect the depth of his thought, the strength newly gained.