My "Cool" coach and I had another great dinner on Thursday evening. We talked about wide range of topics while having home style Korean food. One topic we talked about in length was about over compensating for a weakness. People often tell me that I have a sunny personality. If you were a flower, my friends would say, you would be a sunflower. Although I think of drying, drooping big flower with lots of seeds when I hear such comment, evidently, they mean to say that I am always looking at the bright side of things. Well, I would like to declare that this is nothing but me over compensating for my sad, pessimistic personality.
I remember when I was five, attending kindergarten, I was a silent child. I hated excerting myself physically, and I used to love to just sit around, drawing or reading. I could not bare anybody other than my parents or grand parents to touch me. I felt extreamly uneasy being around other people, especially younger kids, because they showed their emotions, being angry or sad one minute, happy, laughing the in next.
When my friends and aquintances first hear about this, they laugh, saying, sure, right, uh-huh, what a great joke. But its the truth.
I am like this. So I could imagine these people who seem so confident, so talented, so whatever, might just be that they are over compensating.
But since everyone has their little secrets to overcome, isn't it even more special that you find the strength and courage to be cheerful, or to even find the pieces to make yourself cheerful? I don't know you of course, but perhaps that's what really does make you special and why people like you so much.
Posted by: miguel | December 14, 2003 at 02:48 AM
Hi Miguel! I appreciate your kind words, but in reality, I never felt strong or courageous. I felt desperate and frustrated. Isn't it strange that by not wanting to be certain way and desperately trying to overcome negative quality, the effort end up being strength or in hindsight, it appears as courage?
Posted by: Fujiko Suda | December 14, 2003 at 11:17 AM
Luis Armstrong, the famous singer/ trumpet player, said the same kind of thing. He had a desperately hard life, with some awful things happening to him because he was black. But everyone who knew him always found a spirit that laughed and saw the bright side of things. I think it was <em>because</em> he experienced hardship, doubt, and loss that he was able to understand tragedy and overcome it. It was probably also why he was such a beautiful soul, and why his music moved people so much (one of my favorite songs is "What a Wonderful World". Do you know it?)
Anyway, I hope I'm not embarrassing you with too much praise! Should I balance it with some criticism? (?j?)v Just joking!
Posted by: miguel | December 14, 2003 at 01:47 PM
I was in southern US back in early 70's, and even in those days, racism against blacks was really strong. We were driving through deep Alabama one time to visit my father's friend in Missouri, and my father stopped to get gas. I asked an old black man sitting on an old wooden chair where the bathroom was. He eyed me from my head to toes, and said "Weeell, Ah guess your whaat, so you go own thaa waay." I'm not exactly white, but I guess he decided my appearance was closer to that of whites than that of blacks, so he decided I should use the bathroom for the whites. It was the world of Forest Gump.
When I hear "What a Wonderful World", I think of Robin Williams movie, Good Morning Vietnam.
Posted by: suda | December 14, 2003 at 04:13 PM